At a point in your career the days will start to run together and you wonder what you are still doing on this path. Are you still the main character in your life or have you just been sticking to someone else’s script? You may be an NPC (Non-Player character)! Sometimes it can really feel like we are a bit player in someone else’s game.
🚶➡️ Are You an NPC?
- You feel like life has become a boring loop.
- You passively wait to be told what to do by others, or defer to what others want to do.
- You’re afraid to stick your neck out or try new things, preferring to lay low.
- You haven’t learned anything new recently.
- You don’t remember what it is that you want, or have trouble deciding.
- Everyone else’s needs come first and you don’t have time left for yourself.
Sometimes having Main Character energy is a bad thing, for example when someone is completely self-centered. But being too much of a passive player is a problem too. Let’s talk about how to gain back the upper hand in your life and start living your own story, instead of running the program.
NPC Inspiration
Recognize Your Programming
What sets apart the main character from the rest of the players?
- Self-Awareness – Understanding who you are and what you want out of life
- Autonomy – Freedom of movement and direction, the bravery to move your move
- Creativity – Enough imagination to envision ways to be wholly yourself and express yourself
Rather than being controlled by the storyline that’s been fed to them, the main character has choice and decide how they want to play the game. They choose the goals and adventures, and what rewards make the journey worth it.
The first step is to engage your intuition and ensure you understand what it is you are good at, what you love doing, and what gives your life meaning.
Identify Your Strengths, Skills and Desires
Like any good adventurer in an RPG, you start off with a basic set of skills and affinities which you hone over time. The game started out fun with lots of promise, but over time, the grinding for XP can get boring and repetitive. It’s important to look at the map every so often to make sure you’re on course. Is it worth the grind to reach the top of the tower?
Let’s Take Stock: Get Out the Journal (and Compass)
- Identify your strengths and personality traits.
- Ask a few friends and colleagues to share some words that describe you.
- What are some activities that get you in a flow state?
- What are you really good at?
- What are some accomplishments you are proud of?
- Are there things you’ve been wanting to try?
- What type of working environment suits you best?
Get XP – Develop Self-Awareness
My coaching practice helps people incorporate more soul and restorative work into their lives as an important way to help them develop true clarity on their gifts and passions. Whether you are spiritual or not, spending time in renewing and reflective activities helps still mental chatter and clear a space for you to have clarity on what fulfills you. Here are some of my favorite activities for this:
- Nature Walks
- Rituals are simply things you intentionally do for yourself that have deep meaning. You can learn about different rituals in my favorite Moon App, Moon Calendar or in Don Jose Ruiz’s book, The Medicine Bag: Shamanic Rituals & Ceremonies for Personal Transformation or in any number of other books.
- Meditation (consider a meditation app to get started such as Insight Timer or Waking Up) Read my post on top free meditations and apps.
- Journaling Some people don’t find meditation to work for them but they do enjoy writing to get out thoughts. I like to do both, meditation and then journaling. Shadow work is another form of journaling that is helpful to help you recognize the ways you judge yourself and others.
Some of these practices can be fit in to your “self-care” get-to-do list and others are best done as regular daily habits. What I find crucial it to start with one small commitment to yourself and then slowly build on these commitments. As you learn to trust yourself your intuition and wisdom will grow, along with your certainty in your path.
Get XP – Create Things, Do Side Quests
The Power of Creativity
A woman’s creative ability is her most valuable asset, for it gives outwardly and it feeds her inwardly at every level; psychic, spiritual, mental, emotive and economic. The wild nature pours out endless possibilities, acts as birth channel, invigorates, slakes thirst, satiates our hunger for the deep and wild life. – Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Take Creative Control
I’m inspired by Eve Rodsky’s book Find Your Unicorn Space (as well as the classic Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron) as a blueprint for carving time to engage in creativity. Rodsky says she hates the word “hobby” because a hobby is something that you might have time for but seems to come last.
I agree with her that having solo time for introspection and creative pursuits are essential parts of an autonomous, fulfilled woman. These creative pursuits may end up becoming your new fulfilling career. Or they could be an outlet to destress from a busy life. For me, outlets like my writing, ritual and art help me stay more innovative and playful and help me process difficult emotions.
Cameron’s tactic for getting into your creative space involves a 16 week program of journaling, reflection, and taking yourself on solo “artist’s dates”. I like to make lists, so these get filled up with “get-to-do” fun stuff. It sparks creativity to treat yourself to clever field trips that delight, and it brings out your inner childlike playfulness.
Spend XP – Level Up & Use Your Voice
Since you’ve been getting to know yourself better, and indulging your creative side, you should have some good ideas on how you want to experiment with your life, and how you can set some goals to help get going on your next adventure.
There are times for creative fantasies and wonderful ideas, and there are times for action. Make sure you don’t stay stuck in the deceptive inner fantasy world by fantasizing about things you will never do. Study your creative themes and the values you hold dear. Make a mind map of these things to find threads of consistency and passion. Pick out things that help serve your creative and personal goals, and start carving out time and taking action.
Load that inventory screen, use your XP to level up (perhaps decide on some items to research and learn about), and maybe even indulge in a side quest or two. Many of these side quests or educational pursuits can flex important muscles that make us a really strong and well-rounded adventurer, or in the case above, Shaman Priestess.
Act Like You Deserve to Be Here
Without using your voice, without the bravery to be yourself, you will always be a shrinking violet. Purely the act of starting to create things, speak up, and show yourself will inspire others and feed your soul.
Become the Main Character – Autonomy
As a newly upgraded soldier-for-hire, you are the mistress of your destiny. The key to retaining autonomy and peace during the process is to remember that each and every moment of your life (err.. the game) is an active choice. You can’t and shouldn’t try to control others, but you are in control of how you respond to situations.
